Fern & Oak


An update - painting myself back to me

Firstly, thank you to everyone who reached out to me about my last blog post. It was a little scary putting myself out there, but the people who contacted me about how they resonated and empathised and enjoyed my words meant a lot and your words were lovely, and encouraging. 

I thought I'd share an update on me... I've been keeping myself busy, and in a good, soul nourishing way! I've been paying less attention to social media and more attention to me. Not in a selfish or head in the sand capacity, but in an urgent self love space. My realisation a couple of weeks ago highlighted to me how much I needed to take some measure to really stop myself getting some serious burn out. On my own advice, I took some time out. Time out to reflect, refocus and heal.

I'm not yet at the place I want to be, but I can feel myself slowly moving there. I've been art journaling like it's going out of fashion - scribbling and pouring my soul out on pages upon pages of little inky universes. Everything from deep, contemplative musings to lists of gratitude and favourite quotes. I've never had the stamina for a diary, but my art journals over the past few years have opened up a whole world of inner work for me and I'm really feeling the benefits of getting so familiar with my current journal as I visualise and process my thoughts through ink and paint.

I've been painting normal paintings as well, of course, and I've finished a couple of big pieces of which I'm pretty proud of. I'm still working my way through my epic creative goal of illustrating my own tarot deck even though I could feel the niggles of wanting to abandon the project (I have a kind of annoying habit of doing things like that - so many lost projects to my butterfly attention span!) but I'm getting into a good groove and am tentatively sure this will be seen through.

I've also been sharing my feelings aloud more - talking things through with loved ones and trusted people. I've always been someone who bottles up stuff, even though I know it's never a great idea to do that. I'm trying really - really!- hard to be more open with people and with each little conversation I'm feeling braver and more open. I know I have a long way to go with sharing, but I truly am starting to see how needed it is! Big love to my listeners, thank you for your open hearts <3

So me right now - I feel like I'm doing okay, I'm working through the mud in order to get to the lotus. I still feel a bit murky, a bit funky, but I am starting to feel more like me, and lighter. I need a bit more of a timeout, I think, so for now I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing; journaling, painting, creating and sharing. I'm going to spend a few more weeks with my nose buried in my journal with the hope that as I continue to work inwards, as spring emerges, so will a brighter, happier me.

Some of my latest art - a little mix of finished paintings, works in progress and art journal spreads: